Your Name: Melissa Stiver
Surro Baby’s Date of Birth: Feb. 28Th, 2011
Why did you decide to become a surrogate mother? I feel as if there are so many babies born to some parents who really just don’t deserve such a gift, and the ones who do deserve it, the ones who would love, protect and cherish that baby with all their heart aren’t able to. I’m incredibly blessed to have been able to have children, I wanted to help others have their chance as well. Also, my little family is complete. However, I thoroughly enjoyed being pregnant. If I can still get that great experience of pregnancy, and be able to complete someones family at the same time? I was all for it.
How did your family/children/support people react when you told them you wanted to be a surrogate mother? My mom was/is my biggest support person. She was very proud of me, and was there every step of the way. My kids were very young at the time, but I think they thought it was neat. My daughter loved to talk to surro baby, and gave him kisses through my belly. My son liked my IP’s a lot and was happy with my choice to help them have a little baby.
What did you enjoy most about your surrogate pregnancy? The contact with the parents. The amazing friendship we formed was something I never thought would/could happen. We emailed regularly, I sent them pictures of their growing baby in me. They came to every single OB appointment, even though they live 2 hours away. I felt very loved and cared for and had great support from them. I expected a relationship, hoped for some contact, maybe a picture or 2 afterwards. They blew my expectations out the window, and I’m happy with how things turned out.
Pregnancies are not always smooth sailing, what pregnancy related issues did you experience and how did you cope with them. Example-morning sickness. One thing I guess I wasn’t prepared for, was that being put on bed rest was possible. At our first 6 week ultrasound, they found a blood clot that was beside the baby (there were 2 embryo’s inserted and they believed the blood clot was a twin that didn’t completely take). So I was put onto bed rest, hoping that the blood clot would re-absorb into me. If it were to get bigger it could’ve exploded, causing us to lose the baby that was growing and doing very well. Bed rest with 2 young children was tougher then I could’ve imagined and lasted about a month. After a very large number of ultrasounds to keep an eye on it, I was eventually able to resume normal activities.
When your surro baby was born, what were your first thoughts, what did you say to the Intended Parents, what was the mood in the L&D room? Wow what a question! My first thought? “holy crap finally he’s out”. After having my own children completely natural, I decided for this one to have en epidural. Before the epidural, they gave me a shot of gravol/morphine. Those 2 choices, to have pain meds, were 2 of the worst things I’ve ever experienced. I couldn’t feel a single thing, I didn’t know if I was pushing, I didn’t know when to push. It was horrible. Because of this, little man got stuck and I was too out of it to push anymore. They tried everything to get him out, to help me do the job I was supposed to be doing on my own. Eventually I got some strength up and he was out. He wasn’t breathing and he was very purple. The atmosphere was joy mixed with incredible worry and fear. I just wanted to pass out. It was only 5 hours of labour, but felt more like 20. There were so many nurses in there in a matter of seconds, they worked on him and soon we heard that perfect little sound of life. I layed there smiling at my IP’s who were crying and saying thank you over and over. I remember thinking after seeing their intense emotions, watching them coo and talk to their little guy, “THAT is why I did this”.
Having been through your journey, what are your plans now, is there another journey on the horizon, are you going back to school, are you focusing on family? After a lot of consideration, time and conversations, I have finally decided to do another journey. To help another family’s dreams of having a wee baby come true.
Are there any additional comments you would like to share? This beautiful world of Surrogacy was more then I ever could have dreamed. These Intended Parents, think we are the ones making their dreams come true. When, for me at least, they helped my dream come true. I was taught so many wonderful things through Surrogacy. When you’re a surrogate, it’s not only about the wonderful parent(s) whose world you help complete. You have a hand in making new grandparents, aunties and uncles, who might never have thought they would be. I feel unbelievably lucky, blessed and overjoyed to have been a part of this incredibly love filled world of Surrogacy, making so many dreams come true.